


It's Better This Way

by SageMoo



Series: Bren Lavellan [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, dragon - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Friendship, Gen, Hope, Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Other, Skyhold, The Fade, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 03:15:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8780968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SageMoo/pseuds/SageMoo
Summary: Bren knows she needs to move on; she wants to move on, she thinks. But she wants to move on with him; will he still feel the same?





	1. Match-Maker

The Qunari ascended the stone stairs leading to the ramparts, his long stride allowed for three steps at a time. He hoped that this time maybe Cullen would have a job worthy of the Chargers, but he wasn’t holding his breath. Since Corypheus had been out of the picture for almost two years, and the last of the fade rifts had been closed several months ago, he and his men had only been sent on menial tasks; nothing that really befitted the skills and battle prowess of his Chargers. Perhaps if he approached Cullen himself they could arrange something, anything, for his men to do. He wasn’t complaining of the peace and quiet, really…. Well, maybe he was; all the calm was starting to send him stir crazy, and he wasn’t the only one. And with Dorian gone for the last few weeks now too, he didn’t even have the mage around to pique his interest.

He rapped his knuckles on the wooden door and walked in without waiting for a response from the commander. He found him sitting at his desk, as usual, his blonde head bent over a book with quill in hand. Cullen looked up suddenly at Bull’s entrance, taken by surprise at the sudden interruption. “Why don’t you come in, Bull?”, he said with an annoyed frown.

“I did.” Bull ignored the annoyance on Cullen’s face. “So, come on, Cullen, you have to give us some proper work. Something we can really get our teeth into, you know? Don’t you have some Darkspawn to crush? Give us something more than highway men, come on!”

“Uh… Hello to you too, Bull.” Cullen leaned back and placed his quill into the inkwell, promptly closing the book he’d been writing in. Pushing back from his desk he stood up with a sigh and walked around the desk to lean on the edge. “I haven’t heard of any Darkspawn activity lately, sorry”. He smoothed out his cream shirt, leaving a black ink spot where his fingers had brushed over and murmured a faint curse upon noticing.

“Cullen, come on! I’m wasting away here, and so are the Chargers. We haven’t had a decent job in months now. Surely something is going on around here? Where’s your armour? I haven’t seen you wear it for weeks. Do you even practice with your men anymore?”

“What? Of course I do! You…. Well, you just don’t see us sparring, that’s all”

“Uh-ha”

“Look, why don’t the Chargers just start taking mercenary jobs again? In fact, why haven’t you done that already? I’m sure you’ll find plenty of work like you did before you joined the Inquisition.”

“Cullen, you know I can’t do that!” The Qunari took a step towards the smaller man, his voice rising in agitation. “Dorian asked me to stay here; you know that, I’ve told you before. I’ve had plenty of missives of potential contracts, but they’d all take me too far away from her.” He frowned down at the man in annoyance, but Cullen didn’t shy away from the large Qunari; he was all too used to Bull’s gruff ways, but he knew he was in no danger. 

Cullen averted his eyes and was silent for a moment. “Oh, right. How is she?” His voice softened, holding a hint of gloom in his tone. He pushed off from the desk and walked to his bookshelf, glancing aimlessly over the books it held and looked for nothing in particular. In reality Bull knew Cullen just couldn’t look him in the eye whenever Bren came up.

“How about you talk to her yourself, Cullen? She could use more friends.” Bull forced his voice to soften as this new topic arose; knowing enough to understand that his harsh tone wouldn’t get him very far. “Or you know… Something more?” Bull couldn’t help but smirk a little, knowing full well what reaction his comment would elicit.

Cullen looked over his shoulder at Bull, a frown of annoyance on face once more and a touch of red already spreading across his cheeks. “What? Something more? You couldn’t seriously mean-… Bull, no! I’m going to ignore that you even mentioned-“ He cut himself short as he noticed Bull’s smirk and let out an exasperated groan. Shaking his head he turned back to his books, suddenly finding them even more intriguing than before. He felt like a fool that Bull had managed to elicit such a reaction from him, and he knew that it gave away far too much of what he really felt. When Bull didn’t interject Cullen reached up self-consciously and rubbed the back of neck, refusing to turn to face the Qunari again, “I’m not who she wants, we both know that.”

“Says who? People are capable of wanting a lot of things, Cullen. Come on, you know she’s had feelings for you in the past, just fucking man-up and talk to her at least! You’re competing with the memory of some jack-arse that broke her heart – Surely you can see you have the upper hand now?”

“I’m not interested in being her second choice.” He turned around to look at Bull, his expression stricken and the redness still lingering. He had never found it easy to talk about this sort of thing, especially not about her, and not to someone like Bull. “She chose him, how can I just ignore that?”

“People make mistakes.” Bull took two great strides toward Cullen and stood before him. He placed his hand on the commander’s shoulder and gave him a rough, but friendly nudge. “Talk to her, Cullen, or stay up here fawning over what could have been in your little diary thing.” Bull waved his hand towards the desk and the book Cullen had just been writing in, as he started to make his way towards the door. He’d never been good at this emotional crap, and was happy to leave. 

“My wha-… No! That’s not what that is!” Cullen’s cheeks immediately glowed red with a mix of embarrassment and anger. Bull only laughed and continued walking towards the door of Cullen’s office. “Bull!!” Cullen shouted after him as he exited, “That’s not what I was doing! I’m only keeping track of our forces’ weap-… Bull!” His yelling grew louder as he realised Bull wasn’t stopping or taking him seriously. The Qunari continued to laugh as he walked out and made his way to the stairs once more, the sound of the commander yelling after him indignantly, “What did Sera tell you!!? Bull!”

___

Bull walked across the training grounds of Skyhold and headed toward the archery targets. It had taken him almost two weeks since Dorian had left to finally convince Bren to leave her quarters and do something other than mope. The only suggestion he’d had for her, since there were no heads to crack outside the castle walls right now, was to get back into training. He had always lamented that he’d never been about to properly spar with the Inquisitor like he did his men, since she didn’t use a sword of any kind. So instead, he’d started challenging her with various targets he claimed she’d never be able to hit with her arrows, and she’d taken the bait. It had gotten her out of her quarters and the distraction seemed to have lifted her spirits somewhat. Of course, he hadn’t counted on her becoming completely obsessed with training either; she’d managed to hit every target he’d suggested and now it was all she did. So Bull knew where he would find her and wasn’t wrong. 

The small elf stood across the yard from the archery targets dressed in her full leathers, bow in hand, quiver strapped to her back and a look of intense concentration on her pretty face. She was in full draw when he spotted her, and he followed her gaze to the target she appeared to be focused on. The familiar ‘twang’ of the bow string ensued and her arrow shot across the yard. Bull raised his brows in surprise, as he watched the arrow miss the target by a mere inch and flew just over to hit the stone wall behind. 

“Ha! Did I just witness the first failed shot?” Bull laughed as he walked towards the elf with a smirk on his face. Bren turned towards him and returned the smirk, saying nothing as she brushed her golden fringe from her eyes. She turned and began her walk to retrieve the arrow she’d just shot, with Bull following, “How long have you been out here today?”

“Since morning, of course. Where have you been?” Although her question sounded slightly accusing, her tone did not. While Bull was currently finding his time in Skyhold quite dull, he couldn’t deny that he had been enjoying his time spent with the Inquisitor a great deal. She had always been Dorian’s closest friend, but since Bull’s union with him, and Dorian recently having to return home on his father’s request, he had had the chance to get to know Bren much more. And while her current state of mind and heartbreak over Solas leaving – for the second time, mind you – did not make the most pleasant of company to keep, Bull had enjoyed the fact the she was replying so heavily on his company and friendship for support. It was really the only thing keeping him sane right now, even though it was also the reason he couldn’t currently leave. But his feelings for the Inquisitor wouldn’t allow any other action anyway, even if Dorian hadn’t made the request for him to stay.

“Since morning? It’s high-noon now, Bren. Maybe we should go hunting tomorrow morning instead? This is getting a little obsessive now, you know that, right?”

She had reached the target area and stooped down behind the target to retrieve her arrow. She spun around to face Bull with a grin on her face as she displayed her arrow proudly. There, skewered on the tip of the arrow, was a small tree nut, the arrow having split it almost in two, “I told you I could”

“What in the…”, Bull squinted at the nut and grabbed the arrow from her hand to take a closer look. “You know I was just kidding when I said that next you’d be shooting nuts from the trees, right?” He laughed and handed her back the arrow. “You should have a shooting competition with Sera”, he grinned at the elf widely, knowing the pair had never seen eye-to-eye.

“Uh… No, thank you. As much as I’d love to show her up, I think I’d stomach her even less if she ever won”. Bren plucked the nut from her arrow and tossed it over her shoulder, as she returned the arrow to the quiver on her back. “You never answered me.”

“Hm?” Bull tilted his head at her before realising what she was talking about, “Oh right, oh nothing much this morning. Caught up with the Chargers, they’re about as restless as I am. I was serious about the hunting too, we talked about heading out tomorrow at dawn if you’re interested?” He paused for a moment, giving Bren a chance to respond, but was only met with the usual empty and un-motivated shoulder shrug that he’d become accustomed to lately. “Oh, and I bumped into Cullen just now…”

“Oh?...” The disinterested look disappeared briefly, to be replaced by a more inquisitive look from the elf and her eyebrows raised slightly, “How is he?” She did her best to sound casual, though given her disinterest in most things recently it was clear Cullen still held a special interest for Bren. 

Bull smiled faintly at her response, “He’s bored. So bored in fact, that he’s been keeping a diary lately.” Bull couldn’t help but laugh, recalling Cullen’s protests at the thought that he’d ever do such a thing, “You should ask him about it, Bren.” He gave her a big grin.

“A diary?” She snorted at the thought, but Bull could see the topic of the commander still managed to lift her spirits at the worst of times. “What on earth would he be writing about in a diary?”

“Oh, I don’t know; about his struggles with lyrium, about how annoying Sera is, maybe about how boring his lectures from Josie are. Or hey, maybe about how much he pines for a certain elven archer.” Bull’s grin widened as he waited for Bren’s reaction to his teasing words, and he wasn’t disappointed. 

Her tanned cheeks suddenly turned rosy and she immediately turned on her heel and started her walk back across the yard to where she had been shooting from, with Bull in tow. “Don’t be ridiculous, Bull!” When she reached her destination she promptly busied herself with adjustments to her bow that weren’t at all necessary, but Bull had no idea about such things.

“It’s quite possible, Bren”, the grin still hadn’t left his face; it was clear he enjoyed teasing his friend more than a little. The Qunari folded his arms across his chest and watched her, feeling as much affection for her as he did any one of his Chargers. He knew that she knew this, and also that she could take it, and so he treated her no differently when it came to banter and verbal attacks of this nature; he knew she understood the way he showed he cared.

She gave off a heavy sigh and looked up at him, her expression becoming more serious than Bull would have liked, “No, it’s not. We had our chance and I chose Solas.” With the mention of the elven mage’s name her expression darkened and Bull’s grin faltered, afraid that he might have broached a subject that would send her spiralling backward once more.

“We’re not talking about him, we’re talking about Cullen. You can change your mind, Bren.”

“I can, but that doesn’t mean he will, Bull.” 

“Ha!! Bren, that guy has been holding a torch for you since the moment you arrived at Haven. He just needs a reminder of what you two had started back then.” Bull snorted, half from amusement at how stupid his friends were being, how blind and stubborn they both were, and how frustrated he felt at having to be a match-maker in all this. The thought of the latter made him promptly uncross his arms and turn towards the targets with a wave of his hand, “Enough of this! Just shoot the damn target.”

Bren, cheeks still red and feeling chagrined, silently drew another arrow from her quiver and did as Bull said, firing one after the other at the targets across the yard. Their friendly banter was replaced by the soft twang and thud of the arrows as they never failed to hit their intended targets.


	2. Maker's Breath...

After almost an hour of Bull’s various target challenges, they were interrupted by tentative footsteps approaching from behind. With Bren too focused on her firing to pay much attention, Bull glanced over his shoulder to see who was approaching. The corner of his mouth quirked in amusement as he noticed Cullen had paused about five feet behind them and was watching Bren with interest as she skilfully worked her bow. He was now dressed in full armour, the fur around his neck looking recently brushed, the metal gleaming and his pants looking suspiciously as if he’d just had them washed. He straightened as Bull caught his attention and gave the Qunari a curt nod in greeting, becoming somewhat more awkward now that Bull was present to witness whatever he had planned to do or say. Bull merely turned back to continue watching Bren, giving the commander little aid in his plight.

After a moment of silence, with only the rhythmic sound of Bren’s arrows hitting their mark, Cullen finally mustered up his courage and cleared his throat to announce his arrival, “Good afternoon Inquisitor. Bull.” 

Bull turned back around to face Cullen, as if for the first time, and gave him a knowing look before responding, “Hey, Cullen”. 

On hearing the exchange Bren completed the firing of her current arrow before lowering her bow and turning around to face Cullen. She offered him a polite and slightly awkward smile in greeting, “Hello… uh… Commander.” The brief pause before choosing to formally call him by his title alone, only made the encounter feel more awkward for everyone. 

Never having been known for possessing much tact, Bull rolled his eyes at the situation and grunted in disgust. He promptly turned on his heel and made a b-line towards the Herald’s Rest. “This is too much! You two need to just find a room and get it over with. I’m out!” he called over his shoulder, laughing inwardly at the embarrassment his suggestion would surely incite.

As Cullen and Bren watched Bull walk away and leave them with his parting suggestion, their faces both turned a matching shade of red and they shifted awkwardly on the spot. Bren promptly turned her attention to her bow, while Cullen was the first to respond with a mortified laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. 

Bren glanced up at the commander, feeling about as embarrassed as he looked, but managed to contain it with a little more elegance than he could. She responded with her own faint laugh at how awkward Bull had made the situation. “Sorry, Commander…. That’s just Bull being- Well, being Bull, really.“ She shrugged helplessly, feeling Cullen’s eyes on her as she tried in vain to explain away the nature of Bull’s suggestion. “Umm…. Sorry, did you want to talk to me about something? I mean… Did you need to?” She groaned to herself at how ridiculous she sounded and straightened her stance in an attempt to compose herself; Cullen had always made her feel nervous, ever since they’d first met. He was a full head taller than she was; and those broad shoulders; and the way his lips moved when he smirked. She had spent more than a few occasions watching him train with the men under his command, and it had often resulted in butterflies in her stomach that she refused to acknowledge. She found his awkward attempts at small talk with her to be completely adorable, and they had only added to her own giddy feelings when she realised what his nervousness around her probably meant. If not for Solas… she dared to think of what might have happened by now between the two of them.

Cullen inhaled and lowered his arm, straightening his posture likewise, “I, ah…. Well, Inquisitor, I was hoping you might have time to discuss our… I mean the Inquisition’s upcoming attendance at the Exalted Council. There is still some planning to be done before we leave”. He managed to regain his composure as he turned to a more formal topic.

“Oh, of course. Where would you like to discuss this?”

“Uh, well…” He glanced up towards his office on the ramparts, pondering for a moment before turning back to her. “Perhaps my office? Or… We could take a walk on the ramparts?” He raised his brows quizzically, unsure of how his suggestion would be taken and second-guessing whether it was too formal a suggestion, or not formal enough. Then he proceeded to second-guess what he was even asking at all. “Unless you’re busy? Or maybe you’d prefer to go somewhere else?”

Bren frowned at him, a little confused by his indecision and awkward demeanour at such a simple request, “I haven’t walked the ramparts in weeks; I suppose we could do that while we discuss the preparations.” Cullen gave a nod to her suggestion and gestured towards the stone stairs across the yard. As they proceeded to walk, the pair remained silent; Cullen considered what he would attempt to discuss with her, having just realised that his excuse to talk to the elf was about to fail miserably as he actually had nothing of great importance to talk over. 

Bren silently wondered whether what Bull had said earlier in the yard had any truth to it. Was Cullen still hopeful that something might happen between them? Was he just this awkward with all women? Was she even ready to find out? She frowned to herself and snuck a sideways glance at the commander as they walked. She noticed the equally conflicted expression on his face, before her eyes were drawn to that distinctive scar on his upper lip; how that scar had often featured in her musings when they’d first met. She felt a faint blush cross her cheeks and she looked away as they began their walk up the stairs. How is it that she could still be having these lingering feelings about this man that wasn’t Solas? She sighed to herself, immediately feeling her spirits drop at the thought of him; her lost love. 

As they reached the walls of the castle overlooking the frozen valley below, Cullen glanced down at Bren, noting her distinct change in mood. He walked to the edge of the wall and looked over the lands beyond the castle; they truly had a beautiful place to call home. He turned back to Bren, considering whether or not to bring up the topic and realised he really had nothing much else to say. “Ah, forgive me for asking, Inquisitor, but are you alright? You seem, well-” Cullen cringed a little inside the moment the question was out. Surely after two years this wouldn’t still be about Solas? Maybe it was. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked at all. But surely by know her grief wouldn’t be so acute? “I mean… well, I haven’t seen much of you recently, you’ve been spending all your time in your private quarters…”

“Please stop calling me Inquisitor, Cullen.” She moved to stand beside him at the wall’s edge and leaned over just enough to gaze out at the scenery for a moment in silence. Her eyes scanned the white landscape and the frozen river below before she stared at nothing in particular on the horizon. 

“Alright, Bren. So… are you alright?”

“Thank you. And, I’ve been… struggling a little lately, but I’m doing ok now, thank you. Bull has been a good friend.” She smiled faintly at the mention of the Qunari and turned to face Cullen, raising her eyes to meet his. “I’d rather not talk about it though, if that’s ok? You wanted to discuss the Exalted Council?” She looked down and placed the bow she was still holding against the wall, and proceeded to unburden herself of the quiver on her back before turning her attention back to Cullen. The commander had said nothing in the meantime, but was merely silently watching her, his eyes meeting hers as she now waited for him to speak.

“Oh… uh… well” He returned to rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, redness returning to his cheeks and nose as it came time to finally confess that he really had no need to discuss much at all. Bren’s eyebrows rose as she realised what was actually happening here and she couldn’t stop the blush from spreading to her own cheeks. 

“Oh… well.” She laughed a little nervously as she realised this was actually an orchestrated attempt to spend time with her. “Shall we walk then?” Bren gestured to the rampart ahead and turned to begin their intended walk, to which Cullen gladly followed. They walked in silence for a time, Bren’s mind swirling with possible things she wanted to say to the commander, all of which she found too embarrassing or too forward. She marvelled at how easy it had all been with Solas, who simply spoke his mind, and no awkwardness ever ensued. She chided herself then that she would compare the men; they were so different, yet they both had so many positive qualities. She felt so clumsy around Cullen, she could see how hard of a time he had in talking to her, in making any sort of advance, and she knew that it would likely be up to her to do that in the end. But she was still so conflicted about it all; what if Solas came back? Did she even want him to? Was what happened in the fade even real? Solas would think so; that was probably enough. She should never have allowed that to happen; she hated herself for it. 

Bren raised her hand to wipe at a tear that suddenly rolled down her cheek, feeling mortified that she might actually start crying here, in front of Cullen, when he had finally come to see her. She had hoped he might in the year that followed Solas’ disappearance; she had hoped that maybe they could rekindle what they had started back in Haven. But it all seemed like years ago now. And now she was going to fall apart in front of him over another man.

Cullen noticed the brush of Bren’s hand as they walked in silence, having been watching her the whole time. He had been taking in the way she walked, the way her leather armour hugged her figure and the way her expressions had changed as her mind wandered. It was obvious to him that she was conflicted about something, and he could only guess what it was. Surely after two years she wasn’t still waiting for his return? Was he being stupid to pursue this? Or was there truth in Bull’s words earlier? Cullen’s heart had sunk a little as the noticed the tear and he sighed as he reached out to the elf, taking hold of her arm and pulling her around to face him. He looked down at her with a sad smile and released her arm to instead wipe the back of his finger over her cheek where the tear had been. He could feel his finger tremble ever-so-slightly, giving away his nerves. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

Bren turned her eyes to meet his and reached up to hold the finger that had gently stroked her cheek. She held it there to her face for a moment, returning his smile, before she removed his hand but continued to hold his finger by her side. She silently studied his face. She could see the concern in his eyes, and the hope that lingered there. That hope she had seen so many times before, and it had always made her feel so guilty over the years. This time the hope seemed to be mixed with something else; resolve perhaps? But to what? She gave the finger in her hand an affectionate and reassuring squeeze. “Cullen… I don’t think I can talk about that with you, it wouldn’t be fair on you”

She saw realisation enter his eyes, followed by hurt. “I see”, he said as he tried to pull his finger from her grasp, but she tightened her grip.

“It wouldn’t be fair on you if I talked to you about how much he hurt me or how much I loved him, would it? I don’t think you want to hear that.”

Cullen shook his head in agreement and allowed his finger to continue being held. He adjusted his hand a little to instead take her hand into his own, glancing down at them as he did and avoided her eyes. A small amount of hope crept into his voice as he spoke, “Loved? Not… love?”

“Loved, love… I don’t know anymore. It’s so fresh again.” She frowned and averted her eyes as well, choosing instead to look out over the valley once more. “He came to me through the fade for a time recently…”

Cullen remained silent, the grip of his hand tightening slightly at her words; it caused her to look up at him again. She could see his expression had changed to one of annoyance, and the muscles tightened in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. “Why would he do that? He left you already! That’s so… That’s such a selfish thing to do to someone, Bren! How could you still love him?” His tone betrayed his anger and frustration in the fact that she might still be hung up on this man. He let go of her hand, folding his own behind his back immediately so she couldn’t reclaim one. He turned from her then and looked out over the landscape instead.

Bren’s expression showed the hurt that his harsh words had caused, “Cullen, he loves me.” She knew how feeble her words sounded as soon as she’d said them, and realised she should have said nothing; she wasn’t even sure if she believed it anymore anyway. 

Cullen turned to her suddenly, his anger clear on his face, “He loves you?! You can’t be serious, Bren? He left you two years ago! And then what? He comes back to play around with you in the fade? For what? Just so you can’t move on with your life? No one who claims to love you would do that. I certainly wouldn’t…” He paused after his last words and gave an exasperated sigh as he turned back towards the wall and rested his elbows on the stone. He shook his head and looked down at his palms, while Bren covered her mouth with her hands upon hearing his angry, yet all too truthful words. 

She could feel the tears welling up inside her again; she knew that feeling all too well lately. It wasn’t long before she could feel the tears begin to roll down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them, but she remained silent, determined not to make a scene in front of Cullen. Thankfully he didn’t turn around and she had a chance to quickly wipe the tears from her face before he ever saw her response to his words. 

They stood in silence for a long time, neither of them knowing how to get past this point, or if they even could. Cullen was the first to speak. With a heavy sigh, he glanced sidewards at Bren, “I’m sorry, Inquisitor, that was very… insensitive of me”. 

Bren couldn’t stop the new wave of tears that rolled down her cheeks this time, in full view of the commander, as she noted the return to formality in his words. She stared at him, unable to hide the hurt in her eyes at what she knew that meant, “I told you not to call me that.”

“…It’s better this way.” There was an anguished tone to his words, and one that hinted at finality. He turned back to staring at his hands and she could see the moisture in his own eyes building, but he was better at containing the tears than she was.

“I wish I had never walked with him in the fade”, she blurted out. She wasn’t even sure if she was speaking them to Cullen or to herself. “If I’d never managed to visit him that first time in the fade then none of this would have happened. Maybe you and I could have-….” She swallowed a faint sob, “Everything would have been different.”

Cullen sighed in defeat and pushed himself off from the wall, turning to leave. He paused with his back to Bren and his head bowed, anguish still evident in his voice as he spoke, “But it did happen. Please don’t do this, Inquisitor. I’m sorry for bothering you.” He began to walk back the short way they had come on the rampart, but Bren quickly reached out and grabbed a hold of his wrist.

“Stay, please?”

“I’m not Solas…” His voice held a bitterness now that she hadn’t heard before and she cringed, but refused to let go. She gave his hand a tug in an attempt to pull him back to face her but he stubbornly refused to budge. She walked around to stand in front of him in an attempt to force him to look at her, all the while holding his wrist. As she looked up into his face, he held his eyes shut, his pained expression speaking volumes about his inner struggle.

Cullen’s gut screamed at him to just push past and leave; he didn’t need more hope dashed. He had been doing just fine, he had come to terms with the idea that this was never meant to be. But here she was again. But his heart screamed at him to just sweep her up in his arms and kiss her. He didn’t know which instinct to trust this time; he couldn’t deal with more heartache over this woman. Surely she’d had enough of that too? In the end he wasn’t given much choice in the decision; he suddenly felt the small elf’s hand release his wrist. But rather than being free to leave, he felt both her hands cup his cheeks, their warm skin sliding over his bristly cheeks. His eyes shot open just in time to see her stand on her tip-toes to tug his face down enough to press her lips to his. The gesture caused a sudden longing ache in his chest but he hesitated for a moment, so many conflicting thoughts running through his mind in that instant. It didn’t take long though before he couldn’t stop himself from wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her body in against his own to return her kiss. The urgency of his response surprised even him, but he didn’t relent. He picked her smaller frame up with ease and moved her to sit on the edge of the rampart wall, decreasing the height difference between them and pressing in close to her as he stood between her legs. He parted his kips and deepened the kiss, running his hands up her back and his fingers into her short-cropped hair. He never wanted to let go.

Bren wrapped her arms around Cullen’s neck and pressed her body in close to his. She felt a shiver of excitement course through her body at his reaction to her kiss, eliciting a gasp from her lips as she found herself on the wall. She ran her fingers in under his furs and gripped the metal covering his shoulders tightly, unwilling to let him go as she returned his passion filled kiss. She should have kissed him much sooner, was her first thought, which quickly developed into wondering how she could get him back to his quarters. She ran her hands down his back, pausing briefly at his waist to tug him in against her, immediately feeling his excitement pressing against her inner thigh in the process. She let out a breath of excitement into their kiss.

The feel of her faint gasp against his lips only fueled the commander’s excitement further, and he scoped Bren up to clumsily walk her back to his office for privacy, before things got any more out of hand. He attempted to maintain contact with her soft lips as he walked, in full view of anyone in the courtyard below who happened to be looking up at that moment. He didn’t care. As he reached his office he kicked the wooden door open to gain entrance and walked her straight to his desk, breaking the kiss to gently sit her on the edge. He carelessly wiped everything off the desk’s surface with one swipe of his arm, unconcerned by the sounds of falling books and breaking glass as he cleared the way. 

Bren laughed faintly at his frantic actions to get her into his quarters, finding the display more than a little erotic. She couldn’t keep her eyes from his face, watching every smile, every pained frown and every urgent expression cross his handsome features. As he stood before her a flustered look crossed his face as he paused to look down into the elf’s eyes and smile, “Maker’s breath…” It was the first unabashed smile she can recall receiving from him in all the time she’d known him, and she wondered if this was the real Cullen; the confident man she was used to seeing on the battle field. The thought gave her a jolt of excitement and she reached up to kiss him once more. This time the kiss was slower and more drawn out as he slowly lowered the elf back onto his desk. Both of them savoured every taste and touch, and nothing or no one else entered either of their minds in that moment.


End file.
